A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?"she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop." p
A blonde boards a plane headed for Austin TX. She sits herself in first class and gets settled. Meanwhile a flight attendant walks up to her and asks her to sit in coach, since she doesn't have first class tickets. The blonde says, "I'm not going anywhere, I'm sitting here until I am in Austin". The flight attendent tries to reason with her, but she refuses to move. A few other workers try to get her back to coach, but she still says, "I'm not moving, I am sitting right here until I am in Austin." Finally the Captain of the plane comes back to see what the fuss is about. He talks it over with the flight attendents. He walks up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She gets up, says "how embarassing" and moves to back to coach. The attendents are standing in awe, and ask the Captain what he said. "it was simple, I told her first class was going to Mexico, and coach was going to Austin" :spank: :spank:
Dear Diary: Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind.... But this week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work had been completed a whole year ago and I had yet to pay for them. Boy oh boy, did we go around!! Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid... So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year...that in one year the windows would pay for themselves. There was silence on the other end of the line, so I just hung up and I have not heard back. Guess I won that stupid argument...
A blonde, a burnette, and a red-head all die and are standing in front of the pearley gates up in heaven. God speaks to all 3 of them and says "You 3 were all pretty good down on earth, but NOT QUITE good enough, I can let you into heaven, but first I have to give each of you a small punishment" First God goes to the red-head, raises his hand, and POOF- turns her into a burnette, and says "Ok, now you can go in" Next he goes to the burnette, raises his hand, and POOF- turns her into a blonde, and says "Ok, your good to go in" Then he goes to the blonde. The blonde seeing what just happened to the other two women laughs in her funny blonde headed little bubbly way and says "Well, it doesn't look like there's much you can do to me" God grins an evil little smile, raises his hand, and POOF- TURNS HER INTO A MAN! :laugh:
A guy dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees that there are two lines to get in: one with a sign that says "Henpecked Men" and another that says "Non-Henpecked Men". The Henpecked Men line is as long as the eye can see. The Non-Henpecked Men line has one lone man in it. The new guy goes over to the lone guy and says, "All these guys are in the Henpecked Men line and you are standing here by yourself. What is the deal? And the lone man says "I'm not really sure. My wife told me to stand here." :laugh: Frank
There is three ladies sitting around talking about their pregnancy, a brunette, a red head and a blonde. The brunette tells the other two that she knows for sure she is having a boy. The others ask how she knows. She replies that she was on top when she got pregnant, and that is a proven fact to produce little boys. Well the red head tells them she knows for sure that she is having a girl. She was on the bottom and that is a proven fact to produce little girls. At this point the blonde bursts into tears. The red head and the brunette asked what the matter was? Through the uncontrollable sobbing the blonde cries out ............ "I'm having puppies :ball: "
Two blondes meet on the opposite sides of a small lake,one says How do I get to the other side? other blonde says you are on the other side
few more I remember There was a dumb blonde out on a rowboat one day in the middle of a wheat field. Then another dumb blonde drives by and yells to the one in a rowboat, "It's people like you that give us a bad name!! And if I could swim I would go out there to kick your butt!!! ******* A blonde walks into a hair salon wearing headphones. The hairdresser comes over to cut her hair, and tells the blonde that in order to get her hair cut the headphones must come off. The blonde says that she can't. Finally the hairdresser convinces her to take them off. Within minutes, the blonde dies. The hairdresser, wondering what was so important about the headphones, and hears, "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out..." ******** What's blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette.... A blonde doing cartwheels! ******** How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? Wave to her.
Subject: IRELAND DECLARES WAR ON FRANCE! Subject: IRELAND DECLARES WAR ON FRANCE! Jacques Chirac, The French Prime Minister, was sitting in his office wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate against the United States when his telephone rang. "Hallo, Mr. Chirac!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "this is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!" Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one hundred thousand men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Chirac asked. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Chirac sighed, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one hundred fifty-thousand since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on!" We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!" Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to two hundred thousand!" "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm sorry to hear that," said Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and decided there's no foo-kin way we can feed two hundred thousand prisoners."
