--THINGS THAT HALLMARK CARDS DON'T SAY........... My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat. Sorry! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don't fret about it... She moved in with me. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder... "What the hell was I thinking?" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - How could two people as beautiful as you Have such an ugly baby? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you. I've changed my mind. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I must admit, you brought Religion into my life I never believed in Hell until I met you. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am... That you're not here to ruin it for me. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go... Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only in Arkansas, Mississippi & West Virginia) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Happy birthday! You look great for your age. Almost Lifelike! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that I think it's time you kept your promise. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - We have been friends for a very long time let's say we stop? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - I'm so miserable without you it's almost like you're here. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday. So we're having you put to sleep. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay.
Love may be beautiful, love may bliss But I only slept with you cause I was pissed. ------------------------------------------ I thought that I could love no other Until, that is, I met your brother. ----------------------------------- Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowls empty and so is your head. -------------------------------------------------------- Of loving beauty you float with grace If only you could hide your face. ------------------------------------------- Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; Is everything that you are not. ------------------------------------ I want to feel your sweet embrace But don't take the paper bag off your face ---------------------------------------- I love your smile, your face, your eyes.. Damn, I'm good at telling lies! ------------------------------ My darling , my lover, my beautiful wife Marrying you screwed up my life. ------------------------------- I see your face when I am dreaming.. That's why I always wake up screaming. --------------------------------------- My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way?
Very amusing. But I don't like the Father/Uncle one for Mississippi. It's a false stereotype. Mississippi may be the poorest state in the nation as far as average income is concerned, but I saw last week it was reported that MS was the #1 State for donations to the Sunami in S Asia. Give us a break.