No, I’m married with two children. If I were still a bachelor I’d probably be an unhealthy, grumpy drunk with a slightly neater house. All things considered I wouldn’t trade what I have. Thus a few coping measures like shoes in the house and Buick parts not in the house. Patrick
I'm sitting on my back porch watching music videos. This one is awesome. Men At Work, "Who Can It Be Now?" I just found my life.
Whoa, I'm here again. What a frigging weekend! Just off of the top of my head, the screech owl might be evolving again. I might start calling her big flat azz. Seems like I'm stuck behind her, or she's blocking my path lately. Brian, We're supposed to have a beach party next Sunday. I'll get a shot of her for you. I do gotta say, Kaylee was much sexier the first weekend I met her. Maybe cause she's really nice, and young. I think 25. The all button sun dress was big time sexy. Her riding in my car to get more diabetic beer was a dream! I gotta stop. Yesterday, it brings back bad memories. I'm keeping busy. The penguins are a unifying force in me doing chores that needed doing. I'm painting the north side of the house. It's been neglected. I painted, cut in, around the soffet and facia boards, all the windows, hurricanes shutter brackets, everything! It took ALL day! My arms were rubber when it got dark!!! Lunch time: I'm STARVING. I go in the kitchen and the flat azz screech owl is moments behind me. Really? I have my bread, on a paper towel, heating up some meatloaf in the microwave. The big flatazz screech owl comes in the kitchen. "I'm STARVING!" "I haven't had anything to eat all day!" LIAR!!!!!!! She had her bagel, crumbs! She had a big slice of an apple crumb cake, more crumbs. She goes right past me. I have my bread, on a paper towel, ready for my meal to heat up. She's at the bread basket getting another bagel. "John, do you need bread?" Me, "I have my bread Jane." She hogs up the entire space by the microwave to use the toaster for her bagel. She's also in front of my now beeping microwave. Big flat azz, "I'm not in you way, am I?" Holy sheet, was that a rhetorical question!!! EVERYTHING about you is in my way! I sat on my stool and watched. She she cut open, buttered, and put jelly on her toasted bagel, on a FOLDED napkin!!!! I could watch as the crumbs hit the kitchen rug that I just shook outside just hours earlier. When she left, there were crumbs all over the counter top along with a jelly smear. I'm going to kill her! The gun safe is in my bedroom. Someone needs to tell me the combination. I do like the trash bag idea. Much quieter and less bloody. We have BIG garbage cans. I only saw "them" a little bit yesterday, but it was enough to make me NOT want to go in and eat dinner. I went to my nephew's house behind me and drank beer. Way better than food and animals. Side story: I tried quitting smoking last Wednesday. I made it to about 7:30 PM. They drove me up a wall!!! All day!!! I wasn't going to buy more smokes, but on the way to my younger son's bonfire I stopped at the store and bought a pack of kill me faster smokes. I know, that's selfish. > My wife... she's cracking me up! I think the little penguin is also tired of the big penguins. Saturday morning, early, she was vacuuming up their mess. Hilarious! This morning I told my wife I was going to Scott's house, youngest son, to put a new window in. Right away Deb says, "I'll come with you." Cracked me up!!! She doesn't even want to spend the day with them!!! We had a great day at Scott's! Got the window screwed in, calked, and drank beer. We got home... my wife went straight to her bedroom to watch TV. Dang, if you don't want to spend time with your parents, why are they here? Can't say that yet. The Dick, He might evolve into creepy old man. I know he's got Parkinson's disease, and takes some crazy pills, but sometimes he's freaky. I'm sitting in the porch, I see him look out, he can't see me, (I know how to hide), and he stares out the door window. Freaky! I'm out for tonight.....................
Jerry, I am sorry about that. She was actually a parent at my grandson's pre-K school. Boy did she have two big brains!!! The picture would've been nice, but the stupid China virus sure canceled that.
MMMMM? How does the china virus cancel "her two big brains"? I mean, the mask would only cover a portion of her face, not her 'brains'...
Dang Steve, the virus didn't cancel her brains. They canceled school. No school, no hot moms. That's just the way it worked. I didn't send the virus over here. I was very happy picking up my grandson and thinking about her brains.
This penguin update is brought to you by, "I am not running an incubator salon! " It was in the lower 80s down here today with a good breeze. The penguins were dressed in long pants, a T-shirt, and a sweat jacket. I wore my usual shorts with no T-shirt. I was working. They were sitting and complaining. "That breeze is cold!" NOT!!! I came in the house before dinner time. Holy ****! It was hot as hell inside. I told my wife I was going to turn the air conditioner on. You should've seen the birds faces. "Our eggs will never hatch!" I said the thermostat at 75°. They are complaining that it is cold in the house.
DERRR! I forgot about it being "virtual school". They went back to "Real school" for a while here in SC. But most places are back to a few days a week at best, some have only 1 day a week 'real school', and the participants (students) days vary. I don't think I could cope with it... My niece's kids schools are within three miles of their house, but her son's bus takes longer than before to get him home.
Steve, I understand. Now a days it's easy to be a little out of the loop, especially if your "kids" are not in school. I'm a retired school teacher, thank God! My wife is still teaching, and my school age grand kids live just 10 houses north of us. It's little kid central around here.
I had a good day, I think. I woke up. I think that was bad. I got my coffee. While it was warming up in the microwave I unfortunately looked around. I thought I woke up before the flat azz screech owl. Wrong. I could clearly see her crumbs on the counter in front of the toaster. I could clearly see the crumbs where she ate her crummy bagel in the kitchen, and I could clearly see where the crumbs fell out of her beak and hit the floor. I guess all the crumbs were better in the kitchen, instead of the living room floor. Go figure. I had a good day to look forward to. I got my coffee and walked outside. There was the flat azz screech owl sitting on the recliner. I said "morning." I don't like to lie. I didn't say "good morning." I knew GSFred was coming over, and we'd go play for the day. The penguins were watching their morning mass on TV. Then they came outside. I had a panic attack and had to leave. I texted Fred where I was going. I went to help my buddy move stuff around in his body shop. Fred showed up soon after I got there. We had a good time BSing like guys do. Then Fred, Alex, his wife, and I went to lunch. So far a GREAT day. After lunch I had to go register my car, Alex's car, and Stump puller455's car. We're all going to a pretty big car show this Saturday. I went up to North Palm Beach and registered us in person. We didn't find out about the show until Friday night. No way our registrations were going to make it via the USPS on time. Had a blast while the lady from the recreation center registered us. Then I went down to the docks and had an ice cold beer. A great day! Got home, not really, my town, and stopped at Jack's. Alex and the kids were there. We had decided to go to a Mexican restaurant for dinner. It's .99 cent Margarita night! We drank a bunch of Margaritas!!! Dinner was good too. I barely spent 10 minutes with the animals today. A truly GREAT day!!!
I neglected some animal problems from yesterday. When I came home yesterday afternoon to ask my wife if she wanted to go to dinner, she was just starting to cook. I asked her what she was doing? She said, "Cooking mom and dad dinner." Really? They sit around all day doing nothing while you're at work, and you have to cook them dinner. That's messed up! This morning I got up and I'm heating up my used coffee in the microwave. As I look around the kitchen I see THEIR mess from last night's dinner all over the place. I'm thinking... my wife had to cook you all dinner, and you couldn't even do your dishes, and pots and pans. They're just laying in the sink . They SUCK!!! When I came in for my 2nd cup of coffee the owl followed me to the kitchen. In a screeching voice, "John, do you know where the coffee filters are?" I looked around and there were none. The owl informed me that she'd use a paper towel. We all know how that's going to work. It's going to make a mess! So... I turned the front sprinklers on. Where they sit every morning, their chairs are all wet. Awesome John!
This penguin update is brought to you by record high temperatures. The screech owl has stayed in the house all day long. It's too hot outside. Damn, is that all they do is complain? The dick sat outside for just a little while, and then he went back inside. I guess that makes a good day for me. A cold front is coming tonight. It will be cloudy with a high of 65 tomorrow, and very windy. Another day they will stay inside. Thank you dear Lord!
Late Friday night... It was a GREAT day! I didn't think it would turn out this way, but it did. I like optimism! This evening we did the usual. ng. We went to the drag strip. Had a GREAT time!!! WE watched racing. We partied by the truck. We ate carny food. We watched racing. There were some hot girls there, but not many. I should have gotten a picture of the girls from the "Covid holocaust." They had ripped up jeans, and wore masks. Hilarious. Looked like Halloween. I'll go on my phone and send 3 pictures.
The first 2 pictures are some GTX's. They look identical, but they're not. Husband and wife deal. They hauled azz! I think 10 seconds. I know. Crazy for quiet stock looking cars! The other 2 pictures are how we practice social distancing in Florida. Not very well.
This is a "Penguin" thread, so I think I'll try to stay there. Yes, they're still killing me, slowly. They're leaving next week to meet up with the main flock. "Thank you sweet baby Jesus! 7 lbs., 6 ozs." They're going to the west coast of Florida to hangout for a week, and watch the Dambazz Bowl!" No Coke commercials, no Pepsi commercials, and no Budweiser commercials. Why watch? No National Anthem? BLM? Windex commercials? The penguins... I have not lied all week long. At night, I come in and say, "night Jane." Not "good night." In the morning, if I have to see her, I say, "Morning." Not "good morning." This morning the flat azz screech owl said, "Good morning John! Is this a good morning?" "I don't know yet Jane." It wasn't. I saw her ugly, wrinkly face, and heard her screeching voice. It can't be a good morning! As usual, I'm doing chores. I've probably gotten more stuff done around the house since they've been here than ever before! Today was "cold", according to them. Wow, just 2 days ago it was to hot to be outside. Penguins must have a very limited temperature range. 3 times I was behind The Dick. 3 times he blocked me in. I'm slowly following him exiting the house. Believe me, if there was a passing lane I would have taken it! I shoulda kicked the cane out of his hand! One time, I follow him out, and he never left the entryway out of the door. He just stands there with his flatazz standing in the way, looking around. I tell you, he's getting creepy!!! I came home tonight. I had to put the porch light on so I could type this. That meant seeing the screech owl. Everyone is asleep, so she wanted to talk to me. I came outside, closed the door, and sat down in front of this computer, and she was still TALKING!!! Shut the F up!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow we're going to a real nice car show. I'll take some pictures. GSFred will be with me. Milton, aka, Stump puller 455 is coming. My son Alex, and grandson JC3. We're going to have a GREAT time!!! A car cruise tomorrow night. And boating Sunday. I hope my wife vacuums all the animals mess!!! "It's not time yet." I told you all about my wife making her parent's dinner Tuesday night. They left ALL the mess in the kitchen for my wife. WTF!!! My wife came home Wednesday from work. She's in the house cleaning up ALL their mess. I walked in and said, "Wow! you made them dinner last night, they sat around sunning their ugly bodies all day, and now YOU get to clean last night's dinner mess from them?" You won't believe what she said!!! "You could have done this." I can't say what I really said!!!! Jim would ban me from the forum! I can say.... "2 people own this house, and 50% of them have already voted them off the island!!! We didn't talk for 24 hours, which is Okay!!! If she doesn't vacuum up THEIR mess tomorrow, on her day off, there will be some very testy words!!! I can't wait. Peace!!!
I don't know about that... Just imagine, some day, out of the blue, that you hear her voice say in her most screech owl way "We are going home, and don't expect to see us for a good, long, time!" Oh well... You can always dream... By the way, where do you obtain these mythological treats, 'Diabetic Beer'???
Oh boy, I'm here again. It's like a bad hangover. ... I laid in bed this morning just thinking about yesterday. It was a GREAT day!!! I got out of bed a little later than I like. If I wake up early I actually get "John time." Nobody to talk to. Pure silence. I got up and there was pure silence. The witch hadn't gotten up yet and made her mess. Awesome! I got my coffee, came outside, and relished the silence. My wife came home. Didn't even know she was up early and went to the store. NO I don't sleep with her!!! It'd be like hanging out with mama bear in winter hibernation. SNOORING!!! So she went shopping? I helped her get the groceries in the house. WTF!!! Bags of Little Debbie Zebra bars? We don't eat this crap! Bags of bagels. I could KILL!!! Really? I have to bring this in the house??? Should have gone straight to the garbage. Maxwell House coffee? My favorite coffee!!! Why does she buy me cheapazz "Aldie's" coffee??? I guess I'm not good enough. We're going to have a big BBQ. Actually my oldest grand daughter's boyfriend caught some female hogs. You haul butt up on them with a big tire buggie, shoot them, and they're caught. We smoked 3 pork shoulders. They were marinated, squirted upon, basted, and rubbed on. I know, sound's sexy. I don't like "gamey" food. OMG!!! This was pure ham. Delicious. I know, some of you are thinking, "That's a great day!" "It's probably warm and sunny." It was. So where's the bad part? It's coming! We had all the oldest grand daughter's friends over. Your probably thinking??? "Young chicks everywhere?" "How can that be a bad day?" It was her boyfriend's buddies. They're interesting. They are nice. They are polite. I'd like to call them nerds, but with a slight touch of "Millennial" in them. They have NO idea how life works, but they were cool. Being there were so many people over, of course the flatazz screech owl had to come out and talk to all of them. The smarter one's figured out how to squirm away. Very fun watching the interaction. LIES!!! I might embellish stories, but the owl LIED today!!! She told these young boys that they used to go to the west coast, (to meet up with the main flock," for a month.) What a F***ing LIE! They NEVER went for more than a week and a half. Then the owl said, "They'd like us to stay longer, but we have things to do." More LIES!!! They sit around my house making a mess for to many MONTHS!!! The beach is 5 miles away. Parks are everywhere. They never go anywhere!!! Some vacation! The young kids bought a ton of liquor. You know where the wine crazed, cheapazz, owl was.... bumming drinks. Jane... "Ive never had that." "Let me try one of those." The drunker she got the more she talked. Friggin parrot! Then The Dick woke up from his nap. Luckily I was outside stoking the smoker. I watch The Dick stop in the doorway, as he always does, and look around. Freaky! He comes out. Gets offered a drink. It must have been good stuff, (I don't drink liquor), cause he says, "I like this on the rocks." Oh ya, can barely walk Dick is drinking some drinks and hanging out. STOP, STOP, STOP!!! The TV just went off in the living room. I am ALONE!!!!!!!!!! I know it sucks to wish you're alone, but it feels sooooooooooooo good!!! Back to today... They're all playing corn hole in the backyard. I'm quietly staying by the smoker, like it needs tending. It doesn't, but if you look like you're working the owls will never talk to you. The kids are all finished with a game, and they all come back to the picnic area for more drinks. The flatazz owl follows them like a bum wanting another drink. You're gonna love this!!! I didn't!!! As soon as drunk female owl gets a new drink, she literally lets it slide right out of her hand, BAM, on the sidewalk by the porch, and makes a GIANT mess!!!!!! I KNEW IT!!!!!!! I had already predicted she was gonna get her dinner, go in the house, drop it, and make a big azz mess! My son, JC2, says, "Stop it dad, they can hear you." LMAO!!!! She then attempts to rub all the alcohol off of the sidewalk with her shoes. You know where those sticky shoes will eventually go? In my house and on my beautiful wood floors! I HATE HER!!!!!!!!!! We all eat dinner. I thought it was GREAT!!! Everyone did too. The Dick has an interesting mouth. He only likes carbonized hamburger. Everything else gags him. (Just like my wife's mouth) I saw him get a BIG hunk of "caught" wild hog meat. I said earlier, I DON'T like gamey food. This meat was GREAT!!! Everyone liked it, but The Dick can't eat meat if it's not burned. I saw him get a big chunk of meat, take 1 bite, and chuck it in the hedge behind his seat. Can I kill him? He only ate a corn on the cob, and a little baked beans. Dinners over, they all make more drinks, and play another game of corn hole. The nights over, and people are leaving. The Dick barely made it back to the porch area and he goes blank. My wife yelled for JC2 to help her hold him up. I just watched. (Dam, that's messed up John) I was curious as to what other people, besides myself, look like before they fall down. Dam, I'm terrible! The female owl missed it all. She was in the house, sitting in the recliner....... playing games on her phone. She didn't even see Deb and JC2 bring The Dick to his bedroom. Holy sheet!!! Talk about mesmerized in dumbazz electronics. Of course she came out awhile later and said, "Is Dick out here." We all laughed. My AWESOME son, JC2, is taking his kids, and penguins to the zoo tomorrow. Thank you Alex for getting them away from me!!!!!!!!! They leave Wednesday for the west coast. Enjoy them John Codman!!! I hope they visit you!!! They'll be back in a week, unfortunately. They have a mess to make. Saved the worst for last................................. My wife's crazy cousin is still coming here. I'm going to change my post to "Help From Above!!!" Ruthann is due in Feb. 9th. She's going to sleep in the camper right next to my bedroom window. Oh sheet!!!! Sure wish she looked 25 again. Wish I looked 25 again!
