I need heavy prayer please.My wife left in January and has barely even spoken to me,and when she has contacted me,it has been through email. Tonight I received an email from her basically saying she has left the whole situation up to me since she left,and since I have done nothing,she sees no reason why she should even consider continuing our marriage. The sad part is,I have been trying to get her into marriage counseling since before she left,and have inquired about it in almost every email that I have sent to her since she has left.She has wanted total control over this situation since she left,and I gave it to her hoping that by being patient and accomodating,it would show her I wanted to work things out. She is pregnant and our child is due in June,and she has even alluded to setting a schedule to allow me to see the baby when it is convenient.She has said before that she does not want a divorce.So what does she want?All I can figure is she wants me to grovel at her feet and allow her to control everything I ever do in order for her to come back.I cannot give her control of my life,as I have already given that to God. My Lawyer has suggested that I inform her she has 72 hours to return all my possesions or I will file stolen property with the local police,but that is not what I want.I want a total restoration of my marriage. It is sad when a person refuses to work out a problem,and then blames someone else for not wanting to do anything. I am so freakin crushed right now it is unbelieveable.Any prayers and advice would be greatly appreciated.:ball:
I feel really bad for you. I've been exactly where you are and I know how much it hurts. Whatever you do, do not lose your faith. Remember that God will never give you something you cannot handle. I want to help you, so I took the time to indicate the following facts to you. You need to get YOURSELF into counseling IMMEDIATELY if you want to try to salvage this relationship. Take the advice from your lawyer, because if you don't position yourself in a defensive posture you stand to lose a lot. Above all, KEEP YOUR COOL!! Women will use the "oh, he hit me" defense every time whether it's true or not, and the courts almost always eat that sh!t up and you have too much to lose by letting that happen. Desperate women will do ANYTHING, including SETTING YOU UP for harassment and pyhysical violence charges. If you don't believe me, just wait until you show her that you love yourself enough get out of this mess and get on with your life. This is all about control, and believe me, if you bow down at her feet now, you will for the rest of your life. What I am about to say next may hurt, the truth usually does, you are in denial now and don't understand your own feelings. You are blind to things that you are not ready to accept. I don't know the details of what's happenning to you, but when I was there my wife was cheating on me and my mother told me that the only reason a woman would leave her husband or fall out of love with him is because she was involved with someone else. Only after I fell out of love with her and pulled myself together did I realize how blind I really was. Some women are very evil and self centered, that is the only explanation I have for why a mother could deny her own child a life living with their father. If she is doing this now, she will do this as long as you are together and will never change. Some women love the instability in their life and will never be happy no matter what you do. The counselor will help you decide whether this relationship is worth saving or to bail out of it. You are too hurt right now to see but don't take her back too quick, you have a chance to pick up the pieces and move on......she left you, you are the victim, that will help you get some justice. That is in your favor, don't jeapordize that by taking her back and risk yourself having to leave her............then you will really get nailed to the wall. Things will work out, you'll see, just give it time. Divorce is a hard thing to accept when you still love someone so much, but after you recover you will be glad you moved on. Don't throw away your life on someone who is only going to make you miserable. It took me 4 years to get over it, but every day of my pain was worth it. I am happily remarried (waited 10 years to do that) and got custody of my 3 kids because I proved myself to be the stronger one through counseling and keeping a level head. I know right now you are so sick you can't work, can't eat, and are so sick inside you would do anything to feel better. Well it won't happen fast, just pick up the pieces one at a time and stay strong and you will come out of this awful thing smelling like a rose. I hope I am wrong about her cheating on you, but if she really is, remember this, cheaters never win........and what goes around, comes around. I could go on for pages with examples of what happenned to me, just trust me on this one. Good luck, stay strong, prove you are a real man and get into counseling......be the stronger one.......no excuses.......if you can't pay, call catholic charities, they have programs that offer free counseling services. No woman is worth having to beg for when you have been a good husband. :bglasses:
You are certainly in my prayers! I know that tension with my parents (thankfully, they are still together). Stay strong in Christ! Like Joe said, stay strong and level headed, and remember Phil. 4:13! Romans 8:28!
Dear Brother, Let me start by saying you are going to get alot of advise, Take it with a grain of salt and a mountain of prayer. Keep in mind that God is Soverign but we sometimes " force his hand ". It's one of those "free will" things. There is something that has either pulled your wife away from you or pushed her away from you. It's the only way it happens. My marriage was strained by the loss of our 8 month old daughter. I pushed everything in my life away including my wife. Then, she turned outside the relationship for what I was not giving her. ( Emotinal Support and so on. ) We, as men, fail to see marrage as a partnership. which means allowing that partner to have a say in what goes on in life. Things tend to get one sided. No-one has pefected it yet. Even our ( the christian's ) relationship with Christ which is seen as a marriage relation ship is seldom what it should be. That should not discourage you though, it should encourage you. You don't have to everything right to be okay. I honestly think your wife wants to be pursued. This is just me speaking, but try to set up a date, during which you both try to rediscover what you love about each other. People don't fall out of love. They just forget what they love. They fail to see, or is not displayed what they love about the person. If you wife is a christian this may be easier, it may not. Keep in mind that Divorce is not inside god's will. Sometimes it is necesary, as with adultery and abuse. But God does not 'lead' people to divorce. I would also agree on said date to try to not talk about the problems. Set up a different time for that, maybe with your pastor. Most Pastors have training in counselling and will do it on your schedule and without cost. My wife and I got back together, spent about a year in counselling, and now have twins that are getting ready to turn three. They would have never been born if we had not been willing and God had not patched back up what we had ruined. Keep in mind God is a God of restoration. Just lie we do to our cars, only in the absolute of the term. God Bless You, Paul Strassner Student of Theology at Andersonville Bible Seminary And MAJOR CAR NUT
Well,it has been a brutal week. Work was brutal,my life was brtal,my emotions were brutal and my walk was brutal. I have not yet replied to my wifes last email,I have just totally been floored with the lies and cannot even come up with anything to say to her. I did go speak to her dad and informed him of what has been going on,seems that she is even keeping her dad in the dark as to what is going on. I do need to reply to her tonight though,although God is the only one who knows what I am going to say. I bawled my eyes out today during worship though,and it felt so good.I felt so much better afterwards,and need to keep that feeling going. I have been debating over the last few days about asking her out to dinner one night,I might just do that tonight when I email her,and not even mention the last email. I can say it is amazing how someone can lie so much,that she even convinces herself she is telling the truth..It is sad. Thanks for the prayers guys,just keep me in there awhile longer,I have a feeling it just may get alot worse before it gets better.
Well,last week I invited my wife out to dinner at our favorite restraunt,and she agreed,and then back pedalled.First she agreed,then said she wasn't sure because her son would be gone all day the next day and she didn't want to take that time from him,and also her daughter would be gone all day the day we were going to go ou,and she wasn't sure she wanted to be away from her that night.She wanted me to know that there was no way she would think about getting back into a relationship with me,as her son was happy where he is. I swear,if she could marry her son,she would.She is more concerned about being her sons best friend than his mom,that she has thrown this marriage away just because of him. I have already figured out she will do anything to keep control,and that she is not even going to consider counseling,but what my next move is,I am still clueless. My emotions have been totally whacked from one end to the other,and unfortunately I have allowed my walk to suffer.I just have no clue as to how I am going to straighten out my life right now.I know she is not going to let me beat the birth of our baby,and she is not going to let me take the baby for time alone with it,and that is whyat eats me alive right now.She is going to get the baby on medicaid and I am going to have to pay all thismoney,and never get any time alone with it.I say it because we have no idea what sex it is yet.I am not even in a finacially secure place right now due to her draining the bank account and taking half my tax return when she left. I am just rambling right now but I appreciate a place to let off a little steam.Bless you all for your support.
That was pretty sound advice and all necessary to keep a clear head. Only thing is I heard no mention of the unborn child. First and foremost in this whole matter, the child's well being must be the focus of everybody involved, regardless of any of your personal issues. It may sound crude, but your personal issues pale in comparison to what this child may endure with an unstable or poorly thought out future. Without trying to sound uncompassionate, I must say my concerns really focus around the child. They are depending on somebody to show them the way and if it means sacrificing to make sure they get what they need and deserve, then that's what needs to happen. It really is amazing how lucky some of us can be and how much BS some others have to deal with. Sometimes I think people attract a certain type, sometimes I think it's the luck of the draw, or maybe it's just both. Just my pale, humble .02. Good luck man...
I will lift your name and situation up. I'm another who has experienced what you are going through and can emphathize dearly. Keep your faith! There may be a lesson that God may want to reveal to you through this trial. It's when I hit my lowest about 10 yrs ago that I truely realized that I was not alone and felt moved by the Holy Spirit. Those hurting circumstances convicted me to admit I was a sinner, and receive and accept the free gift of salvation through God's grace! Jesus is there with you my brother. If you're wife is a Christian, then she should be in prayer too about these circumstances. May the Lord provide you with comfort, strength, and compassion at this time. He WILL provide. Keep us posted as my heart is heavy for you.
I didn't mean to leave out that very important point. I was focusing on his immediate problems, and in order to do right by his child, he must rebuild himself first so that he can be there for his child when God calls upon him to be there. I saw first hand what divorce has done to my children, and the fact his child is still unborn is a good thing. By the time he gets himself pulled together, I'll bet this will all work out well for him. If his wife is anything like my ex-wife, she will go from one bad situation to the next trying to cover up for the last one and her unstable lifestyle will just continue..........and he will have to be the stable one for that child. :bglasses:
Mentalkase, Hang in there. Don't let your walk suffer. Let go of your anger. Continue praying, lay it all at the feet of God. It sounds to me like you should forget about any hopes of getting back together. Your #1 priority right now needs to be that baby. Talk to your lawyer about joint-custody, and if he is hesitant...get a new lawyer!! Nothing (on earth) is more important than our kids!! Do whatever you have to do to make sure you are a part of your child's life. Not to be insensitive, but I agree with an earlier post that the motivation behind these situations is often infidelity. If things aren't worked out by the time the baby is born, you may want to consider a DNA test. A very similar situation happend to a close friend of mine and the baby turned out to not be his. TRUST IN THE LORD!! Look to him for strength.
