I used this pretty often, always my favorite: When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. ...some more: A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home. I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
"I tell ya it ain't easy being me." "When I was born, I was so ugly that the doctor slapped my Mother!"
"C'mon, while I'm still young" from Caddyshack and others (he liked that one) "No alcohol? Does that include beer?" from Easy Money
He was "One Liner" Royalty. He will be missed ...by several generations. And some generations to come.
My Fav "My Wife Says that I am one in a Million" I met some of the other Guys!" "My Wife Cut our Sex life down to two times a month! I know Some guys got completly cut off!" Rest in Peace and I had a lot of RESPECT for you ! You made the world smile!
"My date was a two bagger. I wore a bag over my head in case her bag broke" Rodney will be sorely missed. I'm going to watch Caddyshack tonight!
"Hey..I bet you were something before electricity" "I'm so ugly I traded sex for food......I was eating the other night, the kids walked into the kithen, I put a napkin over my plate" "I even put a mirror over the kitchen table." " I was an ugly baby...very ugly...I was so ugly my parents had to show a receipt to get me out of the pet store." "I asked my wife about having sex tonite".."she said sure..you first" " I've been seeing a psychiatrist...yeah..I must be doing better..he lets me sit up now." When asked several weeks ago before his surgery "are you nervous?" He answered "nervous..no..if you see me in 3 weeks you'll know everything went ok....if you see me the day after, then something went wrong". ..Rodney...
"...I Flushed the toilet this morning and the handle broke in my hand. I then went to pick up my briefcase - and that handle broke too !! Its getting so I'm afraid to take a piss !!!" R.I.P.
After failing miserably on a model aircraft he storms out the room in frustration. He says to his wife, "Honey, there's a Messerschmitt in the kitchen. Clean it up!" :grin: I think it was also Easy Money
Another " My Wife Bought a Dog Last Month..... I named him EGYPT!........ cause he leaves little Pyramids all over the house!!!!! :jd:
R.I.P. Rodney I tell you, "I get no respect.'" "Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me" : "Basement?'" "I played hide and seek; they wouldn't even look for me" :laugh: :laugh: Thanks for making us laugh! :TU:
" I got a hooker last night"....she told me "not on the first date." "I'm so ugly I went to the proctologist the other day....he stuck his finger in my mouth". "Went into the doctor the other day to get a vasectomy.....he said "why? with a face like yours you don't need one". ...thanks Rodney.......
"My wife told me she wanted to have sex in the backseat of the car, and she wanted me to drive." R.I.P. Rodney.
Walked into a bar and said "bartender give me a drink" He said "whatta ya have" I said "surprise me" He showed me naked pictures of my wife! :laugh:
