Oh telriv.... just a few hours my son and his family, along with my wife and I are going to St. Lucie County fair to see a demolition derby tonight. I must tell you we are never short on things to do. I'm still working on the interior of my convertible, or as my grandson says, the car with no roof! Legendary interior needed the back side panels because they said they don't make them anymore. So I had to Provide mine to them. Bummer, the car was looking so good even though I knew I have to take it apart when I get all my new interior parts. I was changing the front disc brake pads on my wife's car this morning. Do you know what I found stashed in the garage? Four Miller light bottles that dickhead forgotten about. That's not what I said but I'll leave it that way. I put them in the freezer and enjoyed some ice cold beer on dick.
OMG!!! You guys are killing me. You don't like me? Do you want to torture my life? It was bad enough I went and saw them for a weekend in October. I didn't see people adding to the thread until Friday night when we got to the hotel for the BPOC show in Auburndale. My fingers, and my voice, could not even talk to my phone. But I did feel cold sweat dripping down my back when I saw that post come back up. Dear Lord baby Jesus, 7 lbs. 6 oz., I pray to you dear Lord. Make January take a long time!
Alright, I have to admit. This sh t is pretty funny! It's around 8:30 and I couldn't watch the news anymore. So I turned it off totally. It's not even lowered and in the background. Let's crack on people!!! I told you all I visited the penguins in late October. Oh boy... My wife comes home from work, (Poor woman that took off work for 5 years to have 2 kids), on a Thursday afternoon. She tells me her brothers are going down to the parent's cabin in Cumberland, Kentucky to help her parents get the pontoon boat from the dock to their backyard for the winter. "Let's get the grand kids and go visit for the weekend." The first thing that came to my mind was her mother's face and her screeching voice! I just smiled and went back under the car to finish changing the oil. While I'm laying under my car, Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What do you all do? There's only 2 choices. Lay under the car and take a break as ALL the oil slowly drips out, or you can crawl back out from under the car, grab your beer, and sit in a chair. I chose the latter. I started thinking about ALL the positives. I like road trips. Even long ones in just a few days. I LOVE my grand kids!!!!!!!! I could hangout with them everyday. Never mind. I do! (My son lives 10 houses north of me. We all have a blast everyday!) I like Cumberland. It's beautiful!!! (KIRT, go visit Cumberland lake.) I like my Father in-law, Dick. (Just remember I don't like dick.) LMAO!!! I like my wife's brothers. Well kinda??? Kevin... What a loser!!! He's the youngest, Late 50's? Oh sh t!!! My wife is 60, her family is Catholic, so he's not to far behind my wife. Bad memory? Anyway, this guys been through 3 wives, and they all looked the same. That's messed up!!! A dumb blonde will take you to the cleaners every time! He's ok to party with, but annoying at the same time. I told him once, "Y'all have to many STUPID rules here!!! Seriously...KENTUCKY has some serious DA boating laws!!! Florida goes by U.S. Coast Guard laws. Kentucky, Lord knows? I can't tell you how many tickets my wife, son, and I have gotten from the Kentucky boat cops. I can't remember their name because we never paid our tickets. Yes, my wife and I got arrest warrants mailed to us in Florida. We still go there. Jeff... Like 10 months younger than my wife. I told you they were Catholic! Guess they didn't teach pulling o... Anyway, he's a blast to party with, but he does dumb stuff, in my opinion. Dang, I have to go somewhere else. Back to Dick. Dick is not doing well. That sucks, and no pun intended. He's had Parkinson's disease for 2 or 3 years. They have him on these pills that keep him from doing the arm jiggling, sorry, but they slow him down. I hate to say it, but my wife and the screech owl think he's going down. Yes, that's a bummer. My wife and her Dad are really close. Do you all know how old fashion I am??? I actually took Dick out to lunch, and asked him for his permission to marry his daughter. What the he ll!!! (She was barely 18 and pretty good looking) Anyway, now that I told you that let's go back to cracking..... Dick and Jane didn't ride in the pontoon boat the whole weekend. It was a BEAUTIFUL weekend. Sunny and 79 / 80 degrees. Dick decides to go on the boat ride to take the boat out of the lake. I didn't realize just how slow he is. 72 steps down a steel ladder to get to the dock. We get to the boat. The plan was, "I was driving." Dick starts the boat up and wants to pull out into the lake. (I understand that), Believe me... It might be his last trip in the boat? He starts it up, puts it in reverse, and is backing up right towards the side of the mountain!!! Turns out his weak arm can't get the shift lever out of reverse and into forward! Jeff's 19 year old son kinda saved the day cause I was sitting in the front thinking Dick can surely get us in the lake, and Joe was next to Dick. Didn't know it, but Jeff's kinda Autistic kid never drove a boat before. WTF!!! They live on that lake every summer!!! I guess Jeff never let his very mildly autistic kid drive a boat? He pushed grandpa out of the way, gets it in neutral, grandpa starts walking to the front of the boat, and the kid puts it in gear and gives it some gas. You guessed it. Grandpa fell right on his a s!!!!!!!! I can't believe I didn't bring my lunch cooler with beer!!! Oh, it was a trip! I have to go to bed because my fingers are to s l o w. I'll be back.
The Screech Owl, lol You have to say Kevin has a "type", that's for sure. Just curious, what does he drive? After three cleanings, probably a 2004 Dodge Neon! Well, I am glad you had good weather while you were in the Bluegrass State and look forward to the rest of the story. Don't go soft on us with Dick stories though...sounds like he darn near killed all of you.
I know, I've been gone for awhile. Sorry. Life has been crazy. Not in a bad way, but in a good way. First I should answer a few questions, and make a statement. Brian... "The Screech Owl." Yes, she just might evolve again. Her voice sounds like fingernails scraping the chalkboard. It puts the hair up on my back! What kinda car does Kevin drive? How the heck did you guess it??? Yes, he does drive a Dodge Neon, and it's an old one. Dang your good!!! My statement in a moment.... I'm telling my neighbor this very same story when I got home. He's says something to me. He says, "The very first time I met her brothers I thought they were stupid." I busted out laughing!!! My statement... They ARE stupid!!! Now back to the story... I left off telling you about my nephew, the slightly autistic 19 year old with zero boat driving experience. He put it in forward, gave it some gas, and put Dick right on his azz. Oh boy! So I helped Dick get up and I got him in a seat. Joe drives us out of the dock area and out into the lake. He's still got the boat idling. Dick tells him to give it a little gas. Joe's face had the most focused look I'd ever seen on someone. He's looking straight ahead and didn't even acknowledge hearing Dick tell him to speed it up a bit. It's getting late and it's going to be dark soon. Dick tells him 2 more times to speed it up. Nothing! This kid is staring straight ahead and he hears nothing. Dick looked at me. I just shrug my shoulders. A little while passes and the Sun is getting lower in the sky. In a louder voice Dick tells Joe to speed it up! It's going to be dark soon! Joe actually heard him this time. He gives it a little gas, and I do mean a little gas. I can clearly see Dick is frustrated. I felt bad for Dick. Possibly his last boat trip on the lake and this crazed kid is driving him crazy! He tells him to stay away from the right side shoreline. It's shallow here. Joe just drives straight. He tells Joe to slow down when he gets close to the marina. Joe stays the same speed. Finally we get close to the boat ramp and Joe's dad, Jeff, is waiting for us. Jeff sees Joe driving and he says, "What the he ll are you doing Joe? You don't know how to drive a boat! Let John take over. Well hot dam!!!! It's about time!!! We get the pontoon boat, and it's a big one, on the trailer. A stupid trailer. The kind where the wheels are in between the 2 pods instead of under them. This trailer is soo unstable. Dick bought it. I'm starting to think the whole family is stupid! We get the boat back to the cabin. Yay!!! Jeff is attempting to back the boat into it's spot. It's tight. The new neighbors across the street have one of those cement benches like you see at a park. Jeff tells Dick, "Just make sure I don't hit that bench." Dick is more concerned with where his boat is going than where the front end of Jeff's truck is going. Sure enough... Jeff hits the bench knocking it to the ground, and scratches the front bumper on his new truck. Dang, more stupid! More stupid before this trip... Jeff and his brother used their parents boat earlier in the month. The boat's got all new seat covers. They didn't cover it when they were finished using it. You guessed it. The seats were filthy and starting to get mildew stains. Good job lazy, stupid brother in-laws! Jeff was supposed to clean the seats when we went out the day before. He did one seat, kinda, and then drank beer with me. Lazy, stupid bum! So now the boats getting put away with filthy seats, and, and.... my lazy, probably buzzed brother in-law tells his parents he'll come back down next weekend to clean the boat. Never mind that it's parked under trees with falling leaves everywhere, and he didn't cover it again! I quit!!! This story is toooo much for me!!!!!! My stupid wife.... WHAT!!!! Last week we're going to have a family BBQ. She brought some Cincinnati brats back with us. These suckers are precooked. She likes to boil them cause, "It plumps them up." I am a nonbeliever! They plump up when you put them on the grill. So she puts them in a pot of water, turns the stove on high, and comes outside where we all are. We're sitting around chatting. All of a sudden I said, I smell something like fresh baked bread. My son says, I smell something burning. My wife jumps up and runs in the house. You guessed it!!! She burnt the brats and ruined the pot they were boiling in. Good grief!!! So we had regular old burgers. I am seriously starting to wonder about her, and her family!!! Oh well... That's it for tonight. I'm pooped! I picked up branches and small sticks all day long from tropical storm Eta. My wife watched TV. Lazy B! >
Dang... I like writing, but I'm tired of cracking on my wife's family. It's so easy! > Brian, you're a bit early, but let's get it going! A new title till the Penguins show up.(Oh please NO!!!) Whose got stupid friends? I have one in particular, but first I'll talk about me. What? Why not. I do stupid stuff everyday! Me... But first a statement. My Dad moved down from Baltimore to Miami before I was born. My aunt told me, "He had NO license!" Seems my Dad was as bad as me. Must be a family thing? Anyhow, I got my license when I was 16. It didn't last long. I got a one year suspension for to many tickets. Mostly improper take offs and careless driving. That turned into a 5 year revocation. I was a "Habitual traffic offender. What? By the time I got married it was gone again. More burnouts, donuts, and driving on the beach. Another 5 years. Insurance was weird back then. You could buy it and cancel it, and still keep your license plate. My license now says "Safe Driver." What a lie!!! I look around a lot before I do burnouts!!! Next....
Oh Dear Lord baby Jesus, 7 lbs. 6 ozs, here we go again. Someone posted yesterday about the anxiety they feel during this time of the year. They have no idea about the anxiety I'm feeling already, and Christmas is not even here. Last week my wife pulled in the driveway after work. She always talks to her parents on her way home. I didn't hear the "screech owl" on her car's speakers. It was a different female voice. As she walks up the drive I asked her, "Who were you talking to?" She replied, "Ruthann." That's her cousin, who is one screw short of a full blown nut case. Oh boy. My wife informs me, "She is coming down after Christmas." Just hearing those words sends my stomach into a pile of knots! "Her mom said she can't stay with her, so she's staying with us." OMG!!! Why did I ask? My wife continues... She's going to get here about the same time as mom and dad. Holy Sh t!!!!!!!! I need a beer!!! It can't get any worse! Oh yes it does.My wife continues... "I told her mom and dad will be here so she'll have to stay in the camper." WHAT??? So now I learned, in just a short amount of time, my in-laws are coming early, and nut case Ruthann will be here too.
You might think I hit the "Post" button early. I didn't. I was finished talking. I'm wallowing in self pity. I don't know what to say or think.
Some of you may not know this, but in my opinion, I have a GREAT life!!! I'm retired, I'm not rich, but good enough for me. EVERY DAY I JUMP out of bed in the morning, HAPPY!!!!! What do I want to do today? Now I'm thinking........................... Where can I hide?
It's 7:14 in the morning. I'm about finished with my 2nd cup of coffee. Is "popping open" a beer bad?
