Yeah... she's waiting to get blown by that Murray snow blower too! Got the chute aimed just about right, but only hot air was coming out uzzled: ws So this eskimo takes his snow blower to the repair shop and the counter guy says "It looks like you've blown a seal". "Naw" replies Quinn the eskimo, "that's just ice in my mustache..."
/\/\/\ LOL! Heard one very similar, only it was a penguin with ice cream. (NOT the OP's penguins):grin:
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm looking through threads and I come to this one. Holy Sh t!!! Where did this come from? Thanks for thinking about me Patrick. Yes, unfortunately it is that time of the year, again. Maybe that explains why I've been drinking so much beer. You can drink to forget! It just takes a lot! The penguins got here 2 Fridays ago. The male penguin is a bit beat up. He had skin cancer on the left side of his face. He didn't have a big hole in his head like Briz, Steve, though! (Sorry Steve. I couldn't resist.) They gave him a skin graft and his left eye droops a bit. He's walking slower too which enables me to walk away faster. He did block me in Monday as I was working on the car. He put his seat in between me and my tool box! The female penguin is crazy as ever. We come home from dinner the other night. There is a bag of Vigoro vegetable fertilizer by the garage door. As she walks by it she says, "Every time I see that bag I think it says Viagra." I was like WTF!!! The penguins names are Dick and Jane. Jane tells some interesting stories using Dick's name. Sunday morning.... She's making toast. I walk into the kitchen and she says, "Want some toast?" I said, "No thanks. I'm good." She says, "Dick likes it soft." I busted out laughing!!! Maybe that's why she's thinking about Viagra??? Patrick... That sloshing machine must be scary! The last couple weeks I'd come home and try to make it past the penguins sitting on the back porch. They get all excited when I show up as though I have fish in my pockets. I finally get in the house and I go straight to the kitchen sink. Sure enough, filled with dishes and silverware. Really??? They sat around all day while Deb and I are at work and did NOTHING! I think my wife got wise. She left dishes in the sink for 3 days. I watched as they piled up. Believe it or not, they made it in the sloshy machine today. Dang! This morning it was sunny, 61 degrees, and no breeze. I was watering my tomatoes in shorts, flip flops, and no shirt. It was to cold for the female penguin to eat her bagel outside on the porch. Sure enough, there she was in the recliner munching away. Bad news... They have less money so they won't be going over to Naples for a month to hang out with their Cincinnati crowd. We have them for 2 straight months, yuck! Thanks for coming out and supporting me guys. It means more than you think!!!!!!!! More tales to come....................
Vigoro, Viagra. Too funny, especially if she thinks it comes in that large a supply! Obviously, Dick is the only one of the penguins that likes it soft. I couldn't handle my wife's late mother ever staying at our home. Wouldn't happen. She wasn't a very pleasant person. I understood why her dad divorced her. We appreciate your stories and that fact that you find humor in your pain. :laugh:
This thread is funny as he!!. I'm visited rather sparingly from our penguin. Thank goodness for a shop to got to, the beer fridge is always ful!
This penguin report is brought to you by Vigoro, Are your tomato plants soft and wilting? Use Vigoro. They'll stand tall all day long! I woke up this morning and the penguins were still sleeping. Now that's what I call a good morning! I went outside with my cup of coffee and it was like paradise! Temperature was in the 60's, blue sky, and no breeze. Silence. It was so peaceful. Then the back door opened and out came the screeching voice of the female penguin. "Do you have FOX news on?" I said, "No, I want to hear the local news" She actually ate her crunchy bagel outside. Then she went inside 'cause it was probably to cold. I went in to make my lunch. I turned on the kitchen light and saw a trail of ants from the floor in front of the stove to the side door. Dang, it took less than 2 weeks for those pesky birds to infest my house with bugs! I guess someone will need to vacuum and wash the kitchen floor this afternoon.
My wife and I were out of the house most of the day yesterday. The sloshy box sat full of magically clean dishes all day and night. This morning I spent nearly an hour emptying said box, then loading it with the sinkful of dirty dishes from yesterday and hand washing the stuff that needs it. As I'm finishing, the penguin emerges from her nest and has a feed. I come back into the kitchen from my office a half hour later, and you guessed it, bowl and spoon in the sink (the clean, dry, empty sink I just finished emptying, cleaning, and drying! It passed the sloshy box going to the sink!). At least she put them there unlike so many beverage containers that she strategically places throughout the habitat. Patrick
Ill bet those beverage containers never get rinsed out either. I have ONE beer per evening and always rinse said bottle out so the house don't smell like a tavern (or bird sanctuary). Our penguins left us with an infestation of fruit flies ... WTF??? Does their fecal matter resemble goose turds??? I wonder what the fine is if you hit one with a car ? ou: ws I actually had to post this above the kitchen sink for wife #2. She had OCD really bad and saved plastic bags, water bottles and always left dishes "soaking" in the sink... never quite figured that one out. The kitchen was like a science experiment! You wouldnt believe how many 1/16" holes got drilled in plastic containers... they always mysteriously dried up. If "strong" diatrobolic language offends you, Do Not Open. View attachment THIS KITCHEN STINKS.doc
This has got to be one of the funniest places to be!!! Patrick, You and I live the same house! Yachtmansbill, Your sarcasm is AWESOME!!! Today I had the **** iest burnout I ever had. My son bought a serious T-Type racecar with no engine or tranny. He got a good deal! This car is filled with everythng but the above. It has a spool rear end. We pushed it as far as we could, 3 guys, and we gave up going up a very slight hill. I push the car with my van and I happen to run over a big pile of dog shlt. The van stopped and did a very smelly burnout! Dang that stuff smelled!!! I shaved my head, (I do it twice a year), but I also shaved my beard off. 2 years and 1 month of growth. (When I'd work under the car it always felt like there was two of us under the car! I already miss it!!!) I grew it for beards against somebody. I went to my son's house. I should have had a camera.The look on my Grand kids face was WOW!!! They just stared!!! My son said, "Where's Grandpa's beard?" His daughter, 2, got out of her high chair, walked over to my beer on the table, and she said, "Gampa's beer is right there on the table." We laughed our butts off!!!! Life is good!!!
Here is the beardless man. My protest is over! It has been an interesting day working at a school like mine. Tons of illegals............ Sorry, for some reason pictures are not being inserted this time. More later............
Beards against O'bummer!!! :Brow: I was bummed out this morning. The boss was in a meeting. I was going to tell him I cleaned up so I could interview for one of those new Charter School's positions. A bunch of the secretaries had their picture taken with me. I think it was the shirt, not the face! View attachment 348701 View attachment 348702 View attachment 348703 View attachment 348704 No new positions for me. View attachment 348700 Next year I am out!!! 36 years teaching wild middle school kids is all I can take. Times are a changing and it's time for me to sit back, play with the Grand kids, and of course spend way more time with my BUICKS.
I absolutely love the shirt! I only hope that, when you decide to retire, that whoever takes your position is as good as I know you are. Your students probably love and respect you.
They do. I never have to write referrals, kids are always on time to my class, and best of all........... We laugh our butts off all the time!!! Now I'm leaving the "brood" and going over to my buddy Jack's garage to drink beer. Maybe lots of beer. His garage is GREAT!!! 2500 sq. ft. filled with old cars. They'll be some car show on. Probably Barrett Jackson. See you all later tonight. Tomorrow... I'm putting one of Hector's newly rebuilt quick ratio steering gear boxes in my car. Can't wait to try it out!!!
BREAKING NEWS...You can't lie about this stuff. I come home from Jack's. I'm drunk and stoned. Wow! Aren't they the same thing?:Brow: I'm hungry. I make crazy meals when I'm this way. I wanted a can of butter beans and chicken pot pies mixed in. So I made it. Would you believe that crazy female penguin dam near ate all my expensive pot pies. They're the good ones! So I put my butter beans in the pot a long with the LAST 2 pot pies. I take the recyclables out and get on the forum while watching the news. I go in to stir my slop and the crazy penguin starts flapping her wings! "You know you put the pot pies in the pot with the cardboard on them!??? I'm thinking, "This putitah is crazy." LMAO!!! I'm gonna get banned. (My kids teach me lots of bad words.):laugh: The male penguin yells from his nest, "No he didn't. Your crazy!" LMAO!!!! I'm thinking.... So you went in and got another boxed wine drink, and you left what you thought was the cardboard on my chicken pot pies . This bird is batty!!!!
Well now you've got international exposure. This thread rocks...or is it rocked...I dunno; guess I'll just wait and see what happens, there isn't much going on when it's cold and sloppy outside. I've got till May, keep it coming!
